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How Having A Beer Helped My Marriage

Yesterday afternoon, my husband and I got a sitter so that we could go to the bar, have a beer, and catch up with each other. We ended up talking about our relationship as a married couple. While it’s not something that we typically discuss often, I am beginning to realize that talking about your relationship is probably the first and most important step in achieving a successful and happy marriage. Later, as I was browsing through blogs and articles online, I came across a post written by a married couple that shared the seven ways they saved their marriage. For someone who reads a lot of magazines, articles, and blogs, I typically steer clear of this kind of thing, but after the discussion that I had just had with my husband, it piqued my interest.

As I read through the post, I quickly remembered why I normally avoid reading anything that claims to improve my marriage or spice up my sex life. While I am sure that there are many very informative and well researched reference books about successful marriages written by qualified therapists, I find it impossible to believe that a two page blog post  (or a book for that matter) written by a stranger will do anything to improve my own personal relationship. Don’t get me wrong – I think it’s awesome that this couple had the balls to share their experience, but I just don’t think that what saved their marriage will benefit me in any way. While I am no expert myself, what I do know is that every marriage is exceedingly unique and that a “one size fits all” fix will most certainly fail for many couples.

While I don’t think the post was suggesting that exactly what worked for them will work for everyone, I think I get caught up in reading these types of articles that way. It suggested to let the little annoying things go, have sex even if you don’t want to, don’t compare who does more work/more chores. It also said not to bring up past issues and to stop focusing on the negative things in your relationship. All decent advice and all shit I’ve heard before.

Unfortunately, I am a woman, so I can’t help it if despite all my effort, I am forced to bring up past issues just in case there is the chance my husband wasn’t listening the first time I yelled at him about it.  I’d love to let the little pet-peevy type things go, but some of us can’t, so my advice to all husbands is to just stop doing things that annoy us. Sometimes, after running the parenting marathon all day, I am too exhausted to think about having sex, much less staying up past 9:30pm at all. Not to mention the fact that I am covered in spit up and snot is grossing me out and I’m sure it’s not exactly turning on my husband, either. And lastly, women only compare who does more chores because we are always the one who does more chores. Am I right, ladies??? Alright, alright. Just kidding on that last one, honey. Luckily, my anal husband thrives off completing tasks, especially chores. Gotta love him for that.

Like I said, I am no expert, but what I’ve realized is that even if marriage comes easily and naturally before having children, the moment that little bundle of love enters your family, everything will change. You begin an entirely new relationship with your husband – not just as spouses, but as parents. It’s a fast-paced and tiring new challenge. It can become very easy to lose sight of your relationship as husband and wife when you are constantly focused on your relationship as parents. Both are equally as important and go hand in hand. So while I might not be able to let every single little thing go or have sex even when I’m too tired, I do know that finding an opportunity to actually talk to each other once in a while about how things are going can be really helpful – even if that means having to get a sitter on a Sunday to find two hours alone to catch up.

Writing this post didn’t help me to come up with seven tips to improve my marriage (or yours), but I can say this. The next time that I feel the urge to scroll some article about how to better connect and communicate with my spouse, I will close my computer, call my sitter, and meet my husband at the bar to enjoy a few cocktails and a little conversation. Who knows? Maybe we’ll get crazy and even attempt to stay up past 9:30pm just for the sake of a little extra time together.

 

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