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Cleaning and Cocktailing

Disinfecting while drinking - one of my favorite Saturday afternoon activities.

Disinfecting while drinking – one of my favorite Saturday afternoon activities.

As a work at home mother and part-time nanny, not only am I almost never alone, I’m almost never at home alone. If I do manage to score some time to myself, I’m usually sneaking out to have dinner with the girls or to run a few quick errands. On the weekends, if my husband is going out with the baby, we are typically heading somewhere together. As a result, it’s pretty rare that I am actually at the house by myself.

Being home alone is something that I can almost guarantee all childless people take for granted. You can listen to loud music, you can take a shit without a baby pulling on your pant legs, you can lie on the couch and watch something on TV that has main characters that aren’t puppets (or cartoons). These are all things that I totally miss about being home alone. So today, in honor of Mother’s Day, my husband took the baby out to run a few errands. Hopefully, he was running some errands involving buying me a shit ton of booz and bubble bath to spoil myself with tomorrow while he takes on all of my motherly duties.

As my husband and my son pulled out of the driveway, I smiled at the thought of a small amount of time home alone. I could do absolutely ANYTHING I wanted for the next two hours. I could take a nap, I could go for a run, I could read a book. I probably should have caught up on some e-mails and worked on a few job applications. But alone time is limited and mama’s got to prioritize. I created a quick brainstorm of the things that are absolutely impossible for me to do when the baby is biting at my heels. It looked something like this.

I changed into my cleaning clothes – you have these, too, right?? The tank top and shorts that are already rocking bleach stains so you don’t mind ruining any further? I turned on my iPod full blast, collected my sponge and my cleaning supplies and I cleaned the SHIT out of my bathroom.  I used every product that I could possibly find in my cleaning cabinet. There were paper towels flying and Scrubbing Bubbles spraying. I took a few minutes in between my sanitizing to sip on a stiff cocktail. It was like a housewife’s dream. Alcohol and Clorox. Two of my favorite things.

In a previous life, I might have preferred to surf the internet or read a book in the sun with my free time at home. You know you’re a mom when you use your home alone time to passionately disinfect your shower and your toilet – and you actually enjoy it.

My bathroom literally looked better than the day we moved in. After I was done cleaning it, I took the longest shower of my life. Alone. Without a baby banging on the glass doors. It was glorious. Not only did I get to clean my shower, I actually got to take a hot shower, too. And I had a few kickin’ cocktails while doing it. I don’t know about you, but I’d say that’s a pretty successful day. Happy fucking Mother’s Day to me.

 

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Comments

  1. Seriously, taking a shower in a sparking clean bathroom is one of my favorite things. I don’t clean my bathroom very often, so it’s definitely a noticeable difference from the norm. After reading this, I need to include a cocktail to make it even more sublime!
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