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Why Job Searching Makes Me Miserable

So wait, all I have to do is stay at home and I can make up to $1000 a day with no experience or requirements??? And money will just shoot out of my computer?! I FINALLY FOUND MY DREAM JOB! photo via www.smallbizio.com

So wait, all I have to do is stay at home and I can make up to $1000 a day with no experience or requirements??? And money will just shoot out of my computer?! I FINALLY FOUND MY DREAM JOB!
photo via www.smallbizio.com

I got an email the other day from a job board website letting me know that a company was interested in my resume. They had a position available for a legal secretary. Hmm. Not only do I not remember asking for this job search website to clog my inbox with irrelevant emails every day, but I am almost certain that having four teaching certifications doesn’t really make me the perfect fit for a legal secretary position.

The other night, I sat on the couch for the first time all day, iPad on lap and glass of wine in hand. Usually, this would be the highlight of my day – finally getting a few quiet moments to myself while my husband put the baby to bed to check emails or to work on my blog. But last night was different. Since I am hoping to return to the work force at some point in the near future, I am starting to browse the Internet for job opportunities. I am learning fairly quickly that good job opportunities are hard to come by and as a work at home mother, the opportunity to actually spend time looking for such opportunities is even more limited. As it turns out, trying to find a job is actually a full time job in and of itself.

While I put a lot of time and effort into making the decision to leave my job as the director of a child care center, I didn’t put a ton of time into considering how I was planning on reentering the working world. As a mother of a toddler and a nanny to two other children, I barely have time to put on mascara in the morning, much less to even think about job searching. So far, my efforts have consisted of shooting off a few resumes via job searching websites during the 15 minutes in which the kids’ nap times overlap.

I have also learned that reading postings on job boards is like speed dating. You start out hopeful, but each site is more depressing than the last, and after 20 minutes you are like, “What the fuck am I doing here??” This is not the way to find anything promising or respectable. I sat there last night, becoming more and more depressed about my chances of finding my dream job or ANY decent job for that matter.

I know what you’re thinking – with all those teaching certifications, why am I not looking for a teaching job?? The odds of winning the New York State Lottery are 1 in 175,711,536. Unfortunately, the odds of landing a full-time, permanent teaching job in New York State are actually slightly worse. On top of that, the process of getting your foot in the door includes lots of short-term positions, per diem subbing, and getting laid off for at least your first two or three years in the field. I’d be fine and good with subbing on a per diem basis if I was able to call my fucking fairy god mother at 5:30am and tell her I need her to watch my son since I got called to work. Plus, potentially getting laid off every year isn’t really conducive to supporting a family.

And so, I’ve resided to the sad process of reading job postings on the internet. I read one listing last night about a position that literally sounded so incredibly boring that I might have dozed off before I even reached the qualifications and requirements.

I knew I had really hit rock bottom when I clicked one of those ads on Craigslist that stated something like, “DREAM JOB! Work from home! Create your own hours! Make up to $1000 a day! No experience necessary!” The only things that I can possibly fathom would bring in $1000 a day from home requiring no experience would include advertising indecent photos of myself on the internet or selling prescription drugs on the corner in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, these are not exactly what I’d consider my dream job. As a professional with a Master’s degree and four teaching certifications, the fact that I am looking for jobs on Craiglist is something that I’m not even proud to admit in the first place.


On second thought, maybe I’d better reconsider that legal secretary position.


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