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Wordless Wednesday

pong

I was trying to create a game yesterday for the kids similar to the carnival ping pong ball toss where you can win the goldfish. After showing them how to throw the pong balls into the cups, I realized that my subconscious mind was apparently craving a game of beer pong.

Mommy Must-Have Guilty Pleasures

essential items

There are three essential items needed to survive in my house on a daily basis: vanilla soy milk, coffee and vodka.

There are a small percentage of women who excel at motherhood in an extraordinary way, much like how a small group of people are talented and successful in sports or music.  I described them in an earlier post called Professional Parenting. It’s like they were born to raise children. These moms spend their free time browsing Pinterest, collecting the latest organic and delicious recipes for the home made baby food that they exclusively serve their babies. They’ve read all of the parenting books and their kids have been sleeping through the night since they were four months old. They are perfectly patient parents all the time…and why wouldn’t they be? Their children are always well-behaved.

Unfortunately, this isn’t me. My days can pretty much be described as damage control – pulling Play Doh out of my son’s mouth, scrubbing his hands after he’s played in the toilet, rerunning the same load of laundry over and over because I keep forgetting to switch it to the dryer. You get the picture. It’s insane, really. To keep myself from completely blowing my stay at home mommy stack, I have a few guilty pleasures that are crucial in getting me through my day.

1.) Coffee – Did you know that a Keurig can brew a cup of delicious coffee in under 60 seconds?? Having access to a cup of coffee in 60 seconds any time of day is amazing. When your kid insists on waking up before the sun rises every day, caffeine is a necessity. I’m not going to lie; I’ve definitely dozed off during the 7:00am episode of Sesame Street. (Don’t judge me. At 7:00am, I’ve already been up for two hours). Coffee is literally the only thing keeping me from falling asleep at the parenting wheel on a regular basis.

 

Keurig is not even paying me to post this.

Keurig is not even paying me to post this.

2.) Mindless Television – Spending 15 waking hours a day with a toddler can make you feel as if your head is spinning. A quick fix to a mentally exhausting afternoon is an hour of some good, trashy television to put my mind back on track. Dance Moms, The Housewives of Wherever, The Kardashians – anything will do. I can’t explain why, but zoning out while watching people that are crazier than I am always makes me feel better. 

I don't even care how many different shows they have, I will watch all of them.  photo via eonline.com

I don’t even care how many different shows they have, I will watch all of them.
photo via eonline.com

3.) Vodka – Or any other alcohol for that matter. I have one cocktail every night to wind down after a long day of baby chasing. (Sometimes more, depending on how insane the day was….) Thus far, vodka is the only fix for drowning out the Elmo’s World theme song that is constantly streaming through my head. Plus, when you’re dealing with teething induced tantrums like the one picture below, it’s actually impressive that I’m capable of waiting until 7:00pm before pouring my first drink.

A tantrum from a Mother's perspective.

A tantrum from a Mother’s perspective.

4.) Internet – As a stay at home mother, more than a week can easily pass and the only public places I have been to are Wegmans and Target. Due to my serious lack of socialization, the internet is sometimes my only connection to the outside world. Facebook, Twitter, Yahoomail, and WordPress are some of my closest friends these days.

Who needs a new phone if you can still Facebook?

Who needs a new phone if you can still Facebook?

For the amount of time I spend on my iPhone, it’s actually amazing that I have only broken it twice. But who the hell cares if the screen is cracked as long as it still has internet connection? Am I right?

Pinterest, chocolate, or whatever it may be, I think every mother has a secret list of must-have guilty pleasures. While sometimes I feel bad for indulging in some trashy reality TV while sipping a strong cocktail at night, if it gets me through the day and keeps me sane, then it’s totally worth it.

 

 

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