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Toddler WrestleMania Time

This is Chris Masters applying a standing side headlock in 2005. I use a similar move during bath time wrestling to force the toddler into washing his hair.  Photo via www.wikipedia.org

This is Chris Masters applying a standing side headlock in 2005. I use a similar move during bath time wrestling to force the toddler into washing his hair.
Photo via www.wikipedia.org

Every parent has that particular time of the day when things start to get a little hairy around the house. It typically occurs in the late afternoon, somewhere around dinner time, when the kids are on the verge of a complete coup d’état due to hunger, exhaustion, and boredom.

At my house, the toddler takeover starts to transpire around 4:30PM. As if I haven’t spent enough time entertaining my child all day, he gets pretty pissed when I start showing some attention to chores that don’t involve him, like cooking dinner. He’s learned that swinging from the cupboards, pulling on my pant legs, and throwing himself around on the linoleum are usually good ways to distract me from cooking. As soon as I see him pulling out some of these moves, it’s go time. Toddler WrestleMania Time has officially arrived.

Unfortunately, I have to start the event off as a singles competitor since my husband doesn’t get home until about 6:00PM. I typically call him at least twice during his commute from work to find out exactly when my tag team partner will be walking in that door. I’m usually somewhere between running back and forth from the playroom to the kitchen, trying to wrangle the kid and watch the pasta without killing anyone. The minute he arrives, I tag myself out of that shit and head to the kitchen to finish cooking in peace.

Dinner time is a constant back and forth – I take a few bites while daddy feeds/entertains and then we switch. It’s like a little Wrestlemania meal time marathon. Usually, we distract the kid with dessert so we can take a quick break to say hello and catch our breath. But before you know it, he’s devoured his cookies and he’s ready to get back in the ring.

Daddy usually takes on bath time while I clean up dinner and wash the overpowering pile of dishes. The winner of the bath time wrestling match can really go either way. It depends on whether or not the toddler needs his hair washed. If you can avoid getting water anywhere near his face or his head, it’s typically not a terrible time of night. However, depending on how dinner went and how much pasta sauce he smeared into his hair, we might get totally screwed. It can take a combination of some serious wrestling moves to not only get soap in his hair, but actually get it rinsed out. The final moments include getting the overtired baby into his PJs before Daddy has finally used any available energy he might have left and slaps me up for the final tag of the night.

I take on the end of the match by getting ready for bedtime battles – overnight diaper is on, bottle is prepped, humidifier is running. I’ve usually had enough of a break from the action at this point to conjure up just enough energy to tag myself back in and power through the final fight.

A wrestler can secure a pin, which ultimately ends the fight, by forcing his opponent’s shoulders flat against the mat for a few seconds. In my case, I know I’ve secured the pin when the toddler is sleeping quietly in his crib. After a long evening of brawling, I celebrate the win with a large glass of wine and some trashy TV. Then, it’s early to bed to get some rest for another round of wrestling. And remember, who needs pay-per-view when you can just stop by our house for a little daily dose of Toddler WrestleMania?


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