I came across an article in a magazine I was reading last week called “The Best Swimsuits for Your Shape.” The article gave me some serious heartburn for several reasons. Not only does every woman loathe bathing suit shopping, but I instantly realized that within a few days, I’d be baring my post baby body in a swimsuit at the lake with all of my (non-post-baby-body) friends at a 4th of a July party. My son was only about four months old during the summer months last year, so I felt like I had an excuse for sporting a little extra cellulite. But after sixteen months, I guess I can’t really rely on the “I just had a baby, for god’s sake” justification. While it might have been a little too late to lose a few before the party, I decided that buying a new swimsuit and a few cute cover-ups would definitely boost my confidence.
That same magazine article suggested applying some self-tanner for a few days prior to swimsuit shopping to counteract the green cast from the fluorescent lighting and to hide imperfections like cellulite. Unfortunately, as a busy mother, I didn’t have the time to find, purchase, and apply any self tanner before hitting the store. It was a miracle that I actually had a few free moments to be reading this article, much less time to create a fake tan.
I might have been a little crazy for trying to shop for a swim suit the night before the big event. I might have been every crazier for thinking it would be totally fine for me to take the baby to the store with me (close to dinnertime, nonetheless), but my husband was at work and I had no choice but to cart the kid along.
While my son is typically well-behaved in public, there’s definitely a time limit involved. His attention span is pretty short and when we’re out shopping, I’d say he’s comparable to a ticking time bomb set for 45 minutes. My son decided for the very first time that he was going to refuse to sit in his stroller while I shopped. After a mini-tantrum in the parking lot, I gave in and let him walk. He’s old enough, now. He will listen to me in the store. He won’t run or grab things off the rack, right?
We walked up to the swimsuit section and immediately, my son started hoarding hangers, which I was totally fine with as long as he wasn’t trashing the place. I picked up three or four bikinis in every size possible, since my boobs and my ass have both changed size and shape at least eight times since pregnancy. Grey was holding a lime green, polka dotted, extra large bikini bottom that he refused to give up, so we brought that to the fitting room, too.
I began trying on a variety of suits as quickly as possible while my son snacked on some goldfish crackers that I had been hiding in my purse. Snacks always add a few extra minutes of time to that ticking bomb. The first suit I tried on was strapless. At this point, Grey started kicking the door to the fitting room out of boredom. I picked him up to calm him down and immediately the top of the suit began to slide. I realized that strapless might not be practical as a parent. Apparently, having the kid in the dressing room was (sort of) helpful after all.
The next suit I tried on was a one-piece. One piece bathing suits are coming back into style (thank God for mothers), so I thought I’d give it a shot. The great thing about a bikini is that you can choose two different sizes. Unfortunately, a one piece suit is only one size, leaving my butt squeezed into the bottom and my breasts hanging out of the oversized top.
After wrestling my ass out of the ill fitting one piece, I almost started to consider the extra large lime green, polka dot bottoms that Grey was still carrying around.
Low and behold, the last suit I put on fit flawlessly. It was like the top was made for post-breastfeeding boobs and the bottom was perfectly crafted for the post-baby butt. It was a black halter, simple and classy, just my style. For a split-second, I ignored the green cast from the lighting, the cellulite imperfections, and the fact that Grey was bouncing off the fitting room walls and I actually felt good about the way I looked.
All in all, it wasn’t a totally terrible trip. I got a new suit and a few cute cover-ups, too (although I almost had to buy that damn green, polka dot bikini just to avoid a major tantrum at the register). However, next summer, I think I will plan a solo trip to shop for suits. Oh yeah, and I’ll make sure to stock up on some self-tanner, too.
Check out the article I read, “The Best Swimsuit for Your Shape” at http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/beauty-style/best-swimsuit-your-body-type