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Why All Moms Should Watch “What Not To Wear”

Clinton-Kelly-What-Not-to-Wear

While I don’t get a ton of time to watch adult television, my son typically naps from 12:00 – 2:00 and I take advantage of this time by airing something other than Sesame Street in the background while I clean, fold laundry, wash dishes, and check e-mails, etc. Day time TV is typically crap for the most part, but the TLC channel is one of my motherly guilty pleasures (excluding Honey Boo Boo – that’s just way too much for me).  Anyways, there’s a show called “What Not To Wear” featuring two stylists named Clinton and Stacy. These brutally honest fashion bad asses spend the hour telling someone how horrible their wardrobe is and then help them buy $5000 worth of brand new clothing. I’d say that airing my terrible attempt at trendiness on national television would be totally worth five grand of free, designer shit. Right?

Most of the time, the people who end up on this show dress in a way that’s either completely inappropriate for their age, totally unprofessional for being at work, or just downright ugly. The majority are pretty extreme. While I am definitely no fashion guru, watching the show actually makes me feel better about my very average attire. I mean – take a look at these ladies, for example.

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

At least I’m not walking around in a skin tight, leopard print dress or a weird pink apron and sweats. That being said, I’ve definitely engaged in a few of my own little fashion faux pas since becoming a mother. I usually have a total of 48 seconds to get myself showered, dressed and ready in the morning, so you really can’t blame me for occasionally stepping out wearing something slightly less than fashionable. Even when I do have the opportunity to wear step into something trendy, the possibility of it staying clean and unwrinkled for more than 12 minutes is nearly impossible.

A few weeks back, I went to the store (ALONE!) to pick up a few new things to wear for summer. It’s not often that I am out of the house doing anything by myself these days and my time is always limited. I had about 45 minutes until I needed to be home. I knew this was only going to be enough time to hit one store and I needed to stock up on enough things to make myself look presentable for the (infrequent) times that my husband and I actually have a sitter and are going out. I picked out four tops, two dresses, a few pairs of shorts, and some cute flats. On a side note, flats are a must in every mother’s wardrobe in my opinion. I wasn’t entirely confident in my ability to walk in heels pre-baby, so trying to carry/chase a 30lb toddler in four inch peep toe pumps probably isn’t the most practical option if I don’t want to fracture an ankle. But I digress. I got to the register and the cute, 20-something college girl cashing me out said something like this – “Wow! You found a lot of stuff!! Going on vacation or something?” HA! I wish. I have a child. I never have time to shop. Nor do I ever get a vacation. I have 45 minutes to find a (somewhat) respectable wardrobe. So basically I’m buying enough clothing to get me through until the next time that I have the opportunity to shop alone.

Since I don’t think Clinton and Stacy are readily available to pick apart my closet, I figured I’d try to do a little critique of my own and pinpoint some of the areas that need improvement. This way, I can attempt to eliminate my mommy fashion crimes once and for all. Here’s what I think they’d have to say:

Yoga Pants – Yoga pants are for doing yoga. Stop wearing them at all times around the house. Or in public for that matter. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean you can’t get dressed once in a while.

Clothes That Don’t Fit – Clothing (including pants, jeans, shirts, bras, etc.) from before pregnancy probably doesn’t fit exactly like it did in your childless life. Suck it up, spend some cash, and get some clothes that fit your changing shape.

Clothes that are Stained – If something is stained or has holes, the only place it should be making an appearance is in the trash. Period.

Your Husband’s Clothing – I get it. At 39 weeks pregnant, the only thing that fit comfortably over your massive, pregnant, 9lb baby-belly was your husband’s T-shirt. If you are no longer 39 weeks pregnant, you need to stop wearing your husband’s clothing. Even if it is super comfy. Find some cute, sexy, comfortable pajamas. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better about yourself than you do in those oversized sweats and I’m sure your husband won’t mind either.

Maternity Clothing – Again, if you are no longer pregnant, there’s no reason to be wearing maternity clothing. Even though you think it could pass for a purposely loose fitting top, it really just looks like a maternity top. Pack that shit in bags and pass it on to your pregnant girl friends.

I can’t believe I’m going to admit it, but even as I’m typing this, I’m sitting in a pair of pregnancy sweat pants and one of my husband’s long sleeved T-shits (a shirt that has bleach stains, nonetheless).

So Stacy and Clinton, whenever you can fit me in, I’m ready and willing to toss my attire for a sexy mama makeover. In the mean time, I’m just going to toast to the fact that I’ve avoided something more horrible like that tight-skinned, leopard print dress. And that hideous pink apron, for that matter. In fact, maybe my maternity sweats aren’t so bad after all…

But seriously, check out these “after” photos. Every diaper changing-carpooling-PTA attending- mommy deserves this kind of wardrobe upgrade. Am I right???

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/what-not-to-wear/season-10.htm

Are you a fashion crime committing mommy??? Leave me a comment about your WORST fashion faux pas to make me feel a little bit better about my own 🙂

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