Several months ago, I made the decision to take a short break from blogging. I know, I know. You were devastated and depressed. But hang tight, I’ve decided to make my return.
There are really two reasons for my short hiatus. Here’s the first. If you remember, the last time you heard from me, I had returned to work full time as a teaching aide in a school district and was continuing to pursue a job as a teacher in an elementary school. After leaving my career when my two year old was born and then trying to jump back in, I knew I needed to focus all my time and energy on getting a job before anything else. Summer is crunch time for searching for teaching jobs, so I knew I needed to take a break from blogging in order to spend time writing resumes, creating lesson plans, and perfecting my portfolio. I completed a handful of phone screenings, which isn’t easy with a two year old in the background screaming for a glass of milk, or for help on the iPad, or whatever other demand he happened to have at that moment. I studied interview questions during nap times and got primped for meetings with principals all while entertaining my very clingy and needy active toddler. I seriously think I spent half the summer in my interview suit. It was pretty brutal. But in the end, the hard work paid off and I finally landed my very first full time teaching position in a school district in New York State. Not an easy feat to say the least.
Secondly, the reason I started blogging in the first place was honestly as a way to vent about the insanity that is parenthood. I’m sure many women transition very easily into their role as a mother. These are the women who sob at first sight of their child and post on Facebook about how they fell in love with their fetus before it even left their womb, blah blah blah. That’s all nice and sweet and emotional, but it’s not the reality for everyone. My transition to motherhood can really be described in one word: shocking. I wasn’t totally ready for a kid who didn’t really like to sleep, who was eventually diagnosed with lactose intolerance (thank god we finally figured that shit out), and for the anxiety that can come along with being responsible for another human being 24 hours a day. It was a little wild, to say the least. But time passed and eventually things started falling into place. I remember writing a post about how parenting doesn’t really get easier, but you get better at it. And looking back, that’s totally the truth. The things that seemed so crazy in the beginning are suddenly your everyday normal. All of a sudden, saying things like, “please stop licking the dog” don’t seem so unnatural. You learn to take a shit and a shower while your kid sits on the floor in the bathroom every day. And you don’t even mind it. You look forward to the conversation with your toddler as they smush their face against the glass doors of shower while you shave your legs. All of a sudden, it seemed weird to blog about it. The craziness seemed so normal that I almost felt like I didn’t have anything else to say.
And then, something bizarre happens. Just as you settle into your life, your routine, your new job, your role as a parent – Just as you think you have things under control, you begin to think your kid isn’t going to kill you after all – it hits you. The same strange urge that got you into this whole parenting mess in the first place swoops back in and blinds you to the madness you’ve just so recently overcome and you begin to believe that for some INSANE reason, you should start all over again. That’s right. You get the itch to get pregnant again.
And for some crazy reason, your husband agrees to it.
That’s right – this mother, who was convinced that we would be a “one and done” kind of family in regards to baby making, actually felt the urge to have another. And about three weeks into starting my new job in the school district, we found out we were expecting baby number two.
I know. You’re speechless.
Sadly, it’s taken me 19 weeks to share this news with you because I’ve literally been too exhausted to lift my head up at the end of the day. Before we made the decision to try for number two, I had forgotten what a bitch the exhaustion of pregnancy can be – especially while taking care of a toddler. And so, my faithful readers, I’ve finally returned to share with you the honest, insane truth about becoming a mother of TWO children. And the most definite shit show it will be.