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Maternity Meltdown

A few weeks back, I set out on a mission to buy myself some maternity clothes. I’m finally giving in – my pants don’t zip, my belly band is too tight, and as my four year old Pre-K students so bluntly like to remind me, my “tummy is getting very big.”

On a normal day, most women would relish in the opportunity to head out on a shopping spree spending some money on themselves for whatever it is they might need (or want, simply) at that exact moment. For some women, shopping is a hobby and spending money is a practiced skill. Some women shop so much that they are forced to hide their habits from their husbands by stuffing their bags into the back of their closets and wearing new their purchases slowly so that their significant others don’t notice how much they actually spent in one trip.

So when my husband actually encouraged me to go spend some cash on myself a few weeks back, you’d think I’d be thrilled. Here’s the thing. If you’ve read my blog before, you might already know that I’m not a huge shopping fan in the first place. I try to avoid the mall for the most part and I hate the process of picking out new stuff, trying it on, and so on – UNLESS of course, I am at Target. I can walk into Target for a bag of dog food and literally leave after spending $250 on a slew of shit that I surely don’t need. But for the most part, shopping is on a need-to-only basis.

As if I don’t already dislike shopping enough, shopping for maternity clothes is last on my list of things I ever want to do (except for shopping for post-partum clothing – that definitely takes the cake for the shittiest task ever). For living in a decent sized city, you’ll be shocked to find out that there are really only a small selection of stores in the area that even carry maternity options. I was set on the fact that I needed a decent pair of jeans and a formal dress to wear to some upcoming events (two of the hardest things to find, even when you aren’t preggo).

I stopped into the local maternity store thinking it was a sure thing. I mean, it’s an entire store devoted to maternity clothing, right? The first thing I noticed is that the jeans section was almost completely bare. Where the hell were all the jeans? There were only a few different styles in the first place and the majority of the inventory looked picked over. There wasn’t one pair of jeans in my size. Fail #1.

At that point, I was slightly disappointed considering my currently ill-fitting, unzipped skinny jeans were cutting off the circulation in my legs. I was really looking forward to sporting some spandex around the waist. But I shrugged it off and moved on. I headed over to the “dress section,” or really, the six different dress options that the store carries. I swore I looked online before entering this shop and saw tons of super cute stuff – so why wasn’t any of that stocked in this location? I realized it didn’t even matter if I liked the dress or not. I had two weddings and a work event to attend and I needed something ASAP. I decided to just grab a bunch of stuff and starting trying it on. Unfortunately, out of the six dresses that might actually be formal enough for what I was going to, they only had three in my size. I put on the dresses one by one – too big in the belly, too big in the boobs, too short on legs. Fail #2.  Somewhere along the line, the saleswoman (who had been previously busy chatting with her friend on the phone) decided to attempt to help me, but it was too late. She should have known the minute I walked in door that as a hormonal, emotional, pregnant woman, I needed help well before this point. I was overwhelmed, disappointed, and in a full pregnancy-induced sweat. Thus, I walked out.

And where should every woman go when you’re feeling depressed and in need of some serious retail therapy? You guessed it – Target. Thankfully, I knew Target carried a line of maternity clothes (plus I could buy a bunch of other random crap while I was at it). I walked straight back to the maternity section only to find a similar situation. Very few style options, very limited variety of sizes. I spotted one item of clothing that somewhat resembled a dress and made my way over to it. As I got closer, I became more and more…. confused. Was it a dress? Was it a shirt? Was it supposed to be pajamas? What the fuck was this thing?!?! It was like a gray, cotton, three quarter length sleeved potato sack.

Unidentified item of clothing....... WTF is this thing?!?!?

Unidentified item of clothing……. WTF is this thing?!?!?

Sometime after the potato sack encounter, I began to have a full on maternity meltdown. I may have blacked out, wandered around Target for another half hour, and then sobbed into my steering wheel after a day filled with shopping failures.

Needless to say, it was a miserable day for finding any clothes. After going home, drinking several mocktails, pounding some chocolate, and sleeping off my meltdown, I did end up finding one pair of jeans in the very small section of designated maternity clothing at Old Navy. I can officially hang up my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans, until further notice (hopefully).

A win for Old Navy - jeans in my size with a nice, stretchy, elastic waistline.

A win for Old Navy – jeans in my size with a nice, stretchy, elastic waistline.

The moral of the story is this: In order to avoid any maternity store meltdowns, if you encounter any clothing resembling a potato sack while shopping for clothing, give up, go home, and shop online ladies. And hopefully, you have better luck than me!

Comments

  1. If it helps, I always had luck in Gap’s maternity section (found inside Gap Baby/Gap Kids). I too struggled to find presentable, affordable, proper fitting clothes until I figured out where Gap’s maternity section actually was. It’s really sad that most store’s maternity clothes seem to be designed by a chimp, or probably in reality, a guy. Good luck with the dress hunt!

  2. I completely understand this! I have definitely been in the same boat. You just really get to that point where you do need to give up and just curl up in your bed haha!
    Ashley S recently posted…5 Goals for 2015My Profile

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