I saw some article on my Facebook newsfeed the other day that mentioned that four year olds ask an average of 437 questions per day. My immediate thought was, “Is that all?” In my house, it certainly feels like about four times that amount. I start my day with the intention of being patient, answering my son’s questions, and appreciating his curiosity. By noon, I start ignoring him, nodding my head and smiling to anything and everything that comes out of his mouth. At least I’m still pretending to be interested at that point, right? At 4PM, I’m almost always responding to everything with, “I don’t know,” or, “because I said so,” while guzzling wine and praying for my husband to roll in from work to save me from the four year old interrogation.
Then, a few weeks ago, I came up with a genius idea. My kid’s two favorite things in the world are as follows: asking pointless questions and playing on my cell phone. I finally realized that I could solve my conversational kid problems by introducing him to the one thing in the world solely designed to answer questions (on a cell phone, nonetheless): Siri.
Listening to my son speak to Siri was one of the most hilarious things I have witnessed as a parent. Between the uselessness of his questions and the fact that Siri could hardly understand a thing he was saying due to his rapid fire question asking, I got to witness some comical responses from the trademarked “Intelligent Personal Assistant.” Below are a random sample of the type of things my four year old felt it necessary to ask Miss Siri.
1.) Whats your middle name?
2.) So, what’s the best poker?
3.) What’s the best baseball team again?
4.) What are handcuffs for policemans for?
5.) What are you going to be for Halloween Siri? Because it’s almost Halloween.
6.) What is the hairiest dog? I have a big dog.
7.) What’s the best baby?
8.) What’s the best computer that can do anything?
9.) What the best website on street number ?
10.) What’s that big cord for?
11.) What’s in there?
12.) Why is it dark out in the morning?
13.) How old are you? How old are you? How old are you, Siri?
14.) Where’s Daddy? Where is my Daddy?
15.) When is the red thing going to come to my hand?
16.) What’s the biggest lion at the zoo? Hahahah.
17.) What’s the best circus player?
18.) Let’s get out.
19.) Why? Why? Why, Mom?
20.) Why is Mom writing down all the funny things I told you?
After about twenty minutes of this nonsense, my son handed my phone back to me and said, “Mom, she stopped answering. I think I knocked her out.”
No hard feelings, Siri. After 427 questions, I give up, too.